Sunset Romance
As I watch the sun slowly engulfed by the sea
I hear the silent waves clashing in front of me
A crimson-streaked sky extending into space
Until all I can see are just shades of blue in place
I sat down for quite a while
And watched the stars above
Still waiting for a chance
To wake up from a trance
And then you came along
At a time when I’m not strong
You sat down right beside me
And made the stars shone brightly
You seemed a bit detached
With a ring within your grasp
Your face softened by moonlight
But your eyes glistened in spite
I did not know why you were sad
Or the reason why you felt bad
I did not even dare to ask
And know the man behind the mask
Though I heard a lot of rumors
That you have a sense of humor
Although we only meet in school
I did think that you were cool
Along with your inevitable good looks
And the fact you’re good with books
You also possess a devilish allure
Imbued in your majestic stature
Although you are enticing
They say you are appalling
For they call you a major playboy
Who treat girls like a mere toy
When I came back to my senses
I was already staring at you
Admiring your every feature
From your hair up to your shoe
It was a bit embarrassing
As my heart started racing
And I found myself flushed
When our eyes met at once
When I looked into your eyes
I was taken by surprise
Instead of seeing laughter and cheers
All there was is sadness and tears
I want to touch your face
I was pulled into your pace
I want to wipe away your tears
And even chase away your fears
But then someone came
And called you by name
You turned around to see
familiar faces beside a tree
They were walking hand in hand
Leaving footprints on the sand
Then you threw the ring in sight
Into the sea with all your might
They were trying to disclose
About their marriage you opposed
Then you left without warning
As they were fast approaching
So I came to a conclusion
After their sudden intrusion
That the cause of your sadness
Was a love blinded by madness
A different you has been seen
Apart from how you have been
Like a glass hidden in prime
That can be broken anytime
As I wish upon a star
As I watch you from afar
My wish that can never be true
For I long to be with you
The tears that I saw by a quirk of fate
Has snatched away my heart by mistake
But ever since that faithful day
My eyes has never left your way
The words made me see the scene very clearly, galing tlga, nglilink lhat ng words to come up with a particular scene, bow down n tlga ko
wow! hahaha
Astig na i-imagine ko yung scene hahaha galing talaga ni ghie haha ayos sulat ka pa
taglish ko n ha. hehe
maganda ung mga gnmit mong mga slita to fully describe a scene.it keeps the reader from being lost from where you are, from the way you described the scene, parang you’re teleporting them in the very place you are seeing.
at the start the build up of the events is slow yet clear, and that’s good, SOMEthings were well supported pero there are some instances that lack evidences and elaboration. like i don’t know why HE is sad, and then what you feel at that very moment is not really defined. the ring though is not enough.
it is good to make the readers thinking.
it is quite hanging, i mean right before the last stanza, the events is at its peak and then boom, it ended.
hirap mg critic, sna makatulong, ung iba some other time n lng hehe, sensya n po s english ko, kung mali mali.pag tyagaan mo n lng. hehe
Kuya Kiko I’ve finished editing the post. Hope you’ll like it. Thanks for the comments everyone ^^
ayun mas malinaw na sya, mas naintindihan ko na, d ko napansin na me kulang pla nung una
nakakawili magbasa. oyeaa. ghie, magaling qa! clap clap!